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I Said, ‘Whoever Marries You Will Be Lucky’… And She Whispered, ‘I Was Hoping It Would Be You’

Clara went bright red and found something urgent to do  in the kitchen. Ethan looked at the old man. “I’m working  on it,” he said quietly. Briggs made a sound that was probably approval. On the walk back, neither of them mentioned what Briggs had said, but the silence was the warm kind, full rather than empty.

And when they reached the fork where their paths divided,  Clara turned to him with a small, genuine smile. “Thank you for the company,”  she said. “It’s nicer with someone to walk with.” He watched her go toward the Harmon property and thought, “Yes,  it is.” It was a Tuesday again. Ethan had begun to think Tuesdays were significant.

He was checking the repaired fence sections when he heard her at the creek.  This time she had a larger load and was also, he noticed, singing. Not performing, just singing low and easy to herself the way birds do, without awareness of an audience. He stood there a moment longer than he should have.

The blue sky, the cottonwoods, the sound of water, and Clara Harmon doing ordinary things with a grace she didn’t seem to know she had. She noticed him and raised a hand. He walked to the fence. They talked about the weather, the cattle, the Henderson corn. Then a comfortable pause, the kind between people who don’t need to fill silence.

He was watching her ring out a shirt. Her arms strong, her movements precise, completely unself-conscious, and he was thinking about what Briggs had said and what Mrs. Morrison had said and what he himself had admitted on the road in July. And then without planning it, without rehearsing it before his better judgment could stop it, you know,  Clara, whoever ends up marrying you is going to be a very lucky man.

He meant it as an honest observation. He expected her to laugh it off.  Instead, she went still. Her hands stayed on the shirt. A small color came into her face, not dramatic,  just a deepening, like a lamp being turned up. She didn’t look at him immediately.  Then she did. Her expression was something he had never seen on her before, open and afraid and decided all at once, and she said very quietly, “I was hoping it would be you.

” The creek kept moving. The cottonwoods kept making their sound. A hawk crossed the sky above them unhurried. Ethan stood on his side of the fence  and understood that something had just changed between them that could not be changed back. He was not sure he wanted it changed back.

Clara, he said, and then because he was a man who said what he meant, I meant what I said. She was still looking at him steadily. I know  you did, she said. That’s why I said what I said. I’ve been thinking about you since July.  The social, she said. Before that, probably. I just didn’t know it yet. She looked at the shirt in her hands, then said it carefully back in the basket.

I’ve been thinking about you for considerably longer than July, she said. There was a dry note in her voice, that humor of hers showing up even here. You were somewhat slower than I was. He laughed.  He hadn’t expected to laugh. I’m sorry, he said. Don’t apologize, she  said. You got there.

They stood on opposite sides of the fence in the summer sun, and Ethan thought about how strange it was,  how a person could be right there, close enough to speak to every week, and how long it could take to actually see them. He felt something he recognized after a moment as gratitude. “Would you let me come call on you properly?” he said.

“I’d like to speak with your father.” She looked at him for a moment, then picked up her basket. “He likes you,” she said simply. “He’s been hoping you’d get around to it for about a year.” She walked toward the Harmon house,  and Ethan stood at the fence for a long time after she was gone, feeling like a man who had narrowly avoided the worst mistake of his life.

He went the next evening. good shirt, combed hair, more nervous than he’d been since he was 16 and had to tell his father he’d lost two cattle in a storm. Daniel Harmon was on the porch when he arrived, which told Ethan Cow that Clara had mentioned something. Harmon was a large, quiet man with a gray beard and eyes that saw things without commenting on them immediately.

He gestured to the empty chair beside him. They sat looking at the last of the sunset over the western hills. I’d like to come calling on Clara, Ethan  said, with your permission. Harmon was quiet for a moment.  Then what took you so long? Ethan looked at him. I’m asking sincerely, Harmon said. Ruth and I have been watching you figure this out for 2 years.

We were beginning to wonder if we needed to say something directly. I’m slow, Ethan said. You’re steady, Harmon said, which was a kinder version of the same thing. He looked at the hills. Clara doesn’t ask for  things she doesn’t need, but she deserves a man who sees her clearly, who sees what she actually is. I see her, Ethan said quietly.

Harmon looked at him for a long moment, then nodded once. Supper’s at 6 most evenings, he  said. Ruth sets a good table. Ethan had supper with the Harmons four times that week.  On the fourth evening, he and Clara walked to the edge of the property and stood in the last daylight and talked about the ranch, about the future, about small things and large ones.

“Are you happy here?” he asked. “With this life?” She considered it genuinely. I think happiness is mostly made, she said, not found. People who go looking for it somewhere else usually miss what they already have. She looked at him. What about you? I think he said carefully that I’m getting a lot happier. October arrived cold and clear and golden.

The courtship moved at the pace of two people who were also running properties, which meant it happened in the spaces between work, supper evenings, Sunday afternoons, walks  to the creek and back. He brought her wild flowers from the north pasture, not bought, just ones he noticed and thought she would like. She pressed  them without making a production of it.

She taught him to make the apple pie. He was not good at it. She was patient. he got better. She told him patience was not her natural gift, but that he made it easy, which was the kind of thing she said sideways without looking at him that he found himself thinking about for days afterward. He fixed the sticking gate on the Harmon property without mentioning it.

Daniel mentioned it two weeks later with a handshake that said more than the words. And then one night in mid-occtober, something happened that he never told her about. He was walking across the field toward the Harmon house for supper and he stopped. Not because anything was wrong, because something was right,  and that frightened him in a way that nothing wrong ever quite could.

He stood in the dark field with the lights of the Harmon house ahead of him, and understood fully what he was walking toward. Not just supper, not just Clara, but the wanting itself, the real kind, the kind that could be lost. He had stopped wanting things directly a long time ago because wanting directly meant the possibility of losing directly, and he had lost enough to know what that cost.

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